Things to remember when your BFF is in a serious relationship

when-your-bff-is-in-a-serious-relationshipWe’ve reached that time of life where relationships can become serious life-long commitments. A friend I’ve known since preschool got married last week. People from high school had a kids last year on purpose.

When your friends attention shifts from her besties to her BF, this time it could be permanent.

When the time is right, meet this new person.
They could be a part of your social landscape for awhile, or possibly forever. Meeting every SO (Significant Other) that moves through your lives might be a bit much, especially if one of you is a serial dater, but once things look like they’re getting serious, it’s nice to introduce everyone. That way your SO knows who you’re talking about, and your curious besties get to meet the SO. (If you’re like me, this is when you ask your friends if they see any red flags, cause I’m a terrible judge of character.)

Don’t hate on relationships.
Seriously, no matter how single you are in your group of heart-eyed besties, don’t whine about it excessively. If you’re sick of listening to them go on and on about the new love of their live,  let them know. You’re entitled to the occasional bitching at girls night (or girls mimosas-and-brunch, depending on your schedules), but know where the line.

Don’t guilt trip you besties.
Yes, they’re spending more time apart from you. Yes, the regularly occurring girls night isn’t so regular anymore. But leave your friend to enjoy that honeymoon period of their new relationship.

That said, you can still expect them to spend time with you.
No friend should totally ditch everyone whenever they’re dating, then expect to come back to the scene once they’re single again. SOs are important, but so are friends. Like I said above, you’re not entitled to the same amount of time as before, but a good friend is a still a good friend even if you see them less.

They don’t get to constantly ditch you.
I make plans chaotically – there are a thousand options and sometimes I forget which one I’ve picked. Sometimes you may get cancelled on. No matter how many times you tell your bestie what a goddess she is, she’s still human, and humans make mistakes. However, constant ditching and regularly being a no-show isn’t being a good friend.

If this new SO is going to be a long term part of their life, you and said SO do need to be okay socializing.
You and the SO may not get along super well, and may not even like each other (though your lives will probably be a lot easier if you do), but you should be able to carry on a civil conversation at a social gathering. If this long-term SO becomes a life-long SO, you’ll be seeing a lot of them.

Let your bestie vent.
This is a tricky tightrope walk. Sure, your bestie might need to rage for a bit, but if everything works out in the end, don’t hold those incidents against the SO. Everyone has bad days and bad fights. And sometimes, the longer people are together, the less they talk about their problems with outside people. Your besties new confidante will be their SO, and that new habit won’t always break just because of a little fight.

If you don’t like the BF, don’t make a scene.
Sure, if you’re best friend asks for your opinion, you can say that you don’t like the way he talks about his exes or the fact that he’s been unemployed and on his parents couch for three years. But don’t chase this guy out of her life just because you don’t like him. He’s dating your bestie, not you.

There is an exception to this rule though:

If she’s dating a genuinely bad guy, voice it.
I don’t mean you should convince her to break up with someone because seven years ago he broke the heart of that girl from your high school math class, or his manners and his attempt at a goatee make you want to claw your eyes, or he’s generally a little sketchy. I’m talking about someone that you actually think poses a some kind of threat to your friend. You don’t get to launch a campaign against a guy just because you don’t like him, but you have a responsibility to your bestie to let her know when prince charming is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

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